Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
