chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
