We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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