Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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