I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
