you turned your livingroom into a bong?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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