I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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