My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
