Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
