Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
