A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
What did we do last night that was yellow?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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