dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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