So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We left the knife in your bed.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
