Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize