do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
