i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
