Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I need a beard to bite.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
