It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
