Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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