Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
