He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize