Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
