he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
