apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
