The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
