stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
