They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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