At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
