I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Never underestimate the power of titties
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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