I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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