I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
