She's JV to your varsity
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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