so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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