I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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