just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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