Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Who died my cat blue again?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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