Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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