I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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