Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
