Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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