I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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