I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
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