Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
