Barsexuality is the new black.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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