your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
