If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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