I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
