She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize