During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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