can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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