in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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