I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize