Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
