Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
thus making me awesome and them whores
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Randomize
