Pants 0. Shit 1.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
