So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
