Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
