I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
