I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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