Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
