he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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