I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
