he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
