she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
