those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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