In the future we'll all be gay
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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